Chapter 5 - The First Open Door
Charles's hand shook when he placed the key in the lock.
Ava noticed because everything else about him had always been controlled.
He turned it once.
The mechanism clicked.
No alarms sounded.
No catastrophe began.
The door simply opened.
Lily stood six feet away wearing black leggings and an oversized Boston Symphony sweatshirt. She was thinner than Ava expected, with dark hair cut just below her chin and the same gray eyes as Charles.
For a few seconds, nobody moved.
Lily looked at her brother.
Then at the open doorway.
"You actually did it."
Charles swallowed.
"Yes."
"Is she making you?"
His face tightened.
"No."
Lily looked at Ava.
"Is he lying?"
Ava almost smiled despite herself.
"Not about this."
Lily stepped toward the threshold.
Then stopped.
Her hands began to tremble.
Charles shifted forward instinctively.
"Lil-"
"Don't."
He stopped.
Lily stared at the strip of hallway floor beyond the door as if it were the edge of a roof.
Ava understood then that freedom did not become easy merely because the lock turned.
"We can sit here," Ava said.
Lily looked at her.
"Here where?"
"Anywhere you choose. Inside. Hallway. Library."
"Outside?"
Charles's jaw tightened, but he said, "If you want."
Lily gave him a suspicious look.
"Really?"
"Really."
She took one step.
Then another.
At the third, her breathing became shallow.
"I can't."
"You can go back," Ava said.
Lily's eyes filled with anger.
"That's the problem. Everyone says I can go back."
She pressed both palms to her temples.
"Hospitals say go back to routine. My mother says go back to the house. Charles says go back to medication. Everyone has a version of back."
Ava lowered herself onto the floor.
"Then don't go back. Sit."
Lily stared at her.
"On the floor?"
"It's an expensive floor. We should use it."
A reluctant sound escaped Lily.
She sat across the threshold with one leg inside the room and one in the hallway.
Charles remained standing.
"Sit down," Lily said.
He obeyed.
For nearly ten minutes, the three of them sat on the floor without discussing treatment, marriage, or freedom.
Lily asked Ava whether the wedding cake had been terrible.
Ava admitted it had been dry.
Charles objected because his mother had chosen it.
"Exactly," Lily said.
The normality of the conversation made Ava's chest ache.
Eventually Charles called Dr. Nina Patel, the psychiatrist Lily had seen after her second hospitalization.
He put the phone on speaker only after Lily agreed.
Dr. Patel did not sound surprised to hear Lily's voice.
She sounded surprised by the locked door.
"Charles," she said, "you told me Lily was staying voluntarily."
He closed his eyes.
"She was at first."
"That is not the same thing."
"I know."
"When did the door become locked?"
"About five months ago."
Lily looked at him sharply.
"Six."
Charles rubbed his forehead.
"Six."
Dr. Patel was quiet.
"Lily, do you feel in immediate danger?"
"No."
"Do you want to leave the house today?"
Lily looked toward the staircase.
"I think so."
"That's different from yes."
Lily's shoulders lowered slightly.
"I want the option."
"Good. That's enough for today."
Dr. Patel recommended an in-person evaluation that afternoon and gave them the number of a patient advocate unaffiliated with the Harrington family.
"Not my mother's attorney?" Lily asked.
"No. Yours, if you want one."
Lily looked startled by the pronoun.
Yours.
Ava realized how rarely anyone had spoken to her that way.
After the call, Lily stood and walked to the library.
She touched the spines of books as though confirming they were real.
Mrs. Donnelly appeared in the doorway and began crying.
"Oh, Miss Lily."
Lily's face hardened.
"Don't."
The housekeeper stopped.
"I brought you food every day," she whispered.
"I know."
"I tried-"
"I know what you did. I also know what you didn't do."
Mrs. Donnelly covered her mouth.
Ava expected Lily to yell.
She did not.
"I'm not ready to make you feel better," Lily said.
Then she walked past her.
It was the first boundary Ava saw Lily set outside the locked room.
At two o'clock, a car arrived to take Lily to Dr. Patel's office.
Charles reached for his coat.
Lily stopped him.
"I want Ava to come."
Charles looked wounded.
He hid it quickly.
"Of course."
Ava hesitated.
"Only if you want me there."
"That's why I said it."
The bluntness made Ava smile.
As they approached the front door, Lily stopped again.
Through the glass, Beacon Street was bright with cold winter sun. Pedestrians passed with coffee cups. A dog pulled its owner toward a tree. A delivery driver argued with a parking meter.
Ordinary life.
Lily gripped the railing.
"I haven't been outside since October."
Ava's stomach twisted.
"We can wait."
Lily shook her head.
"No. If I wait until I'm not afraid, I'll die in this foyer."
She opened the door.
Wind rushed in.
Lily gasped.
Then she began to cry.
Not dramatically.
Just tears she seemed annoyed to be having.
Ava stood beside her without touching her.
Behind them, Charles remained several steps back.
Lily took one step onto the stone stoop.
Then another.
At the car she turned around.
"Charles?"
His face lifted.
"Yes?"
"Don't lock it again."
He looked at the open front door.
Then at the hidden part of the house beyond it.
"I won't."
Lily studied him as if deciding whether promises still had any value.
"We'll see," she said.
Before getting into the car, she turned back toward Mrs. Donnelly.
"Please pack the blue sweater from my dresser and the paperback on the nightstand. Nothing else."
The housekeeper nodded too eagerly.
"And don't let my mother choose things for me."
Mrs. Donnelly's face tightened with shame. "I won't."
Lily looked toward Charles. "If she calls and says I'm too upset to know what I want, you don't get to overrule me."
Charles's mouth opened, then closed. "All right."
May you like
"Not all right because you approve. All right because I asked."
He nodded. "Because you asked." Lily got into the car.
